| Imagine if you could choose what you want to remember and what you do not want to remember. That way if you only remembered the happy things then you would never regret or ever experience some form of negative emotion. Though the downside would probably be emptiness. Emptiness or Sadness? I would not know which to pick.
I think I have been pretty zoned out and in my own world lately which is not healthy at all! Gotta seriously. seriously. start. getting. my. act. together. .
Funny how when you are so busy with school you feel like you have so much you wanna do but so little time. (for me at least) and when everything is over and done you never actually get down to doing at least half of what was on your mind. haha
alright im out.
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| The way life is now is so.... awesome(: no studying.. just bumming.. slacking 24/7. yea! Bringing out the best bum in me. I will be useful and productive with my time very very soon!
I think its gonna be time for some isolation and solitary korean drama marathons with me I and myself very soon! (wow what a party/crowd)
Keep your chin up and stay focused Anna Beth Seow. Really random and incoherent at the moment.
To do list:
1. Get Taylor Swift and Michael Buble CDs!!!!
2. Get a job. Dental assistant definitely definitely.
3. Get involved in some charity work.
4. Start studying for stupid retakes I do not even want to re take. yipppeeee
5. Keep smilin keep shinin cause everything is going to be okay!
ta.peace out hommies.
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| well. here is my very late recount / conclusion to the year 2009.
First of all, I am so thankful for everyone who was there for me at my lowest. Really appreciate it lots. I would say in this year I have lost a few friends but gained new friends who are awesome too(: like getting to know more school people better was really a plus for me this year ( you all know who you are!) and well drifting from others was kinda saddening and worth it at the same time (mixed feelings here). Though I will never have the guts to say this in person, I would admit that it was hard to stray and distant myself away because though I knew we had so much hidden tension and underlying problems I did feel kinda attached to the friendship at the same time. I dont expect anyone to understand but since the year is over and everything is over so who cares. My personal space to free my cluttered mind! Well back to what I was saying... Oh yes. Our friendship was like a dormant volcano waiting to erupt. and it did eventually. not a pretty sight of course but then again expected and natural because I tend to be reckless sometimes. As Nikki says, TUNNELED VISION. Oh well. Its all over now.. and I am happier now. Less tension less stress less problems to deal with.
Secondly, I would say that 2009 was really a challenging year. Academically especially (duh) and spiritually since my walk with God is kinda fluctuating. Emotionally draining in many ways because of the never ending drama from school and what not and from work and accumulated stress.
Overall I am glad that the year is over though it went by like quite fast. I have learnt more about myself and the people around me which is good. Hope I continue to in this new year. Learned more about God too which makes me want to be a better person. Credit to the church for that! Is this what they call growing up?
Mmm well thinking about the future and 2010 is frightening but like.. necessary. So here goes!
- Dont give up on dream.
- Take the time to learn to have a stable and calm approach towards things/situations
- Have a happier face and do not look like a scary customer who is gonna eat someone alive
- Spend more time reflecting and learning to be less reckless especially in the heat of the moment
- Be less emotional and transparent.
- Be independent
-Spend less $$$
- Do not be vulnerable
- Lose exam fat.
- Learn to develop a habit to exercise aka become a disciplined person.
- Get back on track with God.
- Stay calm on wednesday.
Thinking about wednesday makes the insides of my stomach turn like there is a circus in my belly. Every time I think of the possibilities my heart sinks rapidly. If I am already experiencing all this internal warfare now what more Wednesday? Must. learn. to. keep. calm.
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| I am sick and tired of being controlled. So sick of it. Its my freaking third week of work so cut me some slack and stop telling me to go and sleep when its not even eleven please? Seriously so annoying. My resentment towards you will only increase if you continue to live in denial and your own little bubble. I am really finding it hard to have that mustard seed sized faith in you. I will do whatever it takes to earn enough money and be independent of you.
This week has been the least bit to say pretty darn bumpy. Definitely one of those lower weeks though. I hate people who have no respect for others. I really think they ought to be slapped left right and center. ugh.
What do you do when you find yourself stuck in a sticky situation you cannot really get out of? I popped. I couldnt take the restraining and withholding anymore. I got mad. Then I regretted but left it as another 'oh well can't be helped' situation. I need to be closer to God again. I think the distance is taking a toll on me and my emotions are getting the better of me. I want to just go on a holiday and take a break from everything. I am sick and tired of everything that is around me. Too many problems too little solutions. Even though I should be positive and grateful for everything I have now I can't help but to be less than contented or satisfied with what I have right now. I need to clear my mind.
What is the point of wishing for impossible things? Working at the clinic has only made me realized thing. I really want to be a dentist. I fear a tough journey but I am prepared for it. I know that this is what I want to do and have to do to have a good life and be a blessing to people. I just hope that I will be able to. Thinking about results and Jan 6 makes my heart flutter a hundred times more than a teenager in love. so cheesy but true.
Talking about love.. my gosh my love life has been completely dead this whole year. nice one anna beth!hahaaa
I can honestly say that life has generally been better this way. Better relationship with my mummy and no baggage..definitely a plus.
So my mother's actual godson arrived yesterday and he is a pretty nice guy. He is as much of a musician as anyone could be but quite interesting. Meeting new people and getting to know new people is always lovely. That curiosity and ambiguity is kinda amusing.. definitely intriguing! Talk about new.. I went to Rupee Room which is an Indian club last night with a bunch of my friends cause we were being cheapskates and goodness gracious me.. the Indians are really as enthusiastic as the dancers you see in bollywood films man! they know every single song and the roar of the lyrics when the dj hits the momentary pause button is seriously serious stuff. The place is really lively but definitely not my kinda thing. Actually felt kinda weird also cause I was the only chinese amongst my friends. But I must say it was an experience(:
alright its time to sleep. life of the working adult. GRAH
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